North node practice and jam making
look at these beauties!
It’s mid-June and blueberry season here, so I am in the thick of blueberry-things, because delicious antioxidants, right?
Someone had early basil at the farmer’s market, and the word “basil” kept looking for the word “blueberry” in my mind until I gave in and went to find a recipe that brought the two together. I found this one at Garden and Gun, and even though I had no fresh orange juice, no fresh lemon juice, and no pectin, I went about making (something like) it anyway, recent ancestors laughing in the background about both me trying to make jam with no pectin, and why would you make jam anyway, child, that is why the grocery store is there, distant ancestors telling them to hush, it is good that she is trying, and there are times when there is no grocery store, although in those times there is also no sugar - child, next time you will try something with honey, and me sighing and shaking my head and agreeing that yes, next time I will find a recipe with honey, let me try this, please? Yes yes, try, the practice is good for you.
For the citrus I added calamansi juice that lives in the fridge, because it was what we had. Calamansi plus basil into the blender, then into the pot with 5 cups blueberries, 4 cups sugar. For the pectin I added cornstarch (they’re really laughing now), and whisked it as the mixture bubbled and spit flecks of heat at my arms. It’s gorgeous, look:
Always save the Bonne Maman jars, because everything you put in them looks amazing.
My kid tried it and wrinkled her nose, declaring it “too basil-y,” but then requested second and third tastes, although it did not seem to grow on her. Husband tried it and said it would be amazing on ice cream. Or muffins. Or waffles. Or cake. I tried it and my body started vibrating immediately TOO MUCH SUGAR and I laughed because I knew it would be, but as I cleaned out the pan and licked the spoon I could feel my systems adjusting and starting to demand more. I’m not going to be eating too much of this, because I don’t like how I feel with lots of sugar, spacy but not in a good way. But it’s delicious…? The first thing you taste is the sweet, for sure, and then the calamansi, and the basil last, it sneaks up on you. I love it, honestly. But I won’t let it too close.
I’ve been wondering for hours: why did I make this, if I don’t really want to eat it?
Because the blueberries and basil told me they wanted to hang out? Yeah, when the other-than-human world is insistent about something, I try to pay attention, but that’s not all of it.
Because I thought my family would like it? Actually, no, I didn’t expect anyone besides me to like the basil part.
Because secretly I want to eat more stuff like this? I don’t know. I know that my body doesn’t like sugar these days, and I need my body to be happy because, like, it’s where I live. I’m not going to try to force it to eat stuff that makes it feel bad. I still have some thought-programming about sugar = fun, though, and I am trying to figure out this fun thing (it doesn’t come naturally to me, see Aquarius 12th house south node; see also deep ambivalence about fun from German-Lutheran family of origin (cue distant ancestors beginning to rant about the church)). I think more about fun.
Then I realize – this is me working on my north node, isn’t it?
My north node is in Leo; Leo likes fun; the north node is unfamiliar (and thus, uncomfortable) and needs practice. If I have programming that says sugar = fun, and if blueberry and basil are whispering to me “hey girl, it’d be cool to try both of us at once,” then maybe this is evolutionary practice? Oooooo even more specifically – my north node is at 11 degrees Leo, so the Sabian symbol is Leo 12, which is “an evening lawn party.” I’ve been starting to play with Sabian symbols in my chart readings and I’m finding, at least at this point, that I do better just taking them as they are and trying to see how they fit the person whose chart I’m studying, rather than leaning too heavily on the interpretations. My evolutionary goal is...an evening lawn party? I mean, yeah, it kind of is. I LOVE (and also am terrified of) hosting a bunch of people – maybe more for a barn party and a bonfire than a lawn party, but that barn party is going to have awesome food (and guests, and conversation, and and and) that you probably haven’t seen put together in exactly that way before, and you’re going to be talking and thinking about it for a while. Blueberry-basil-calamansi-jam-sauce-something would obviously be on the table.
And yet, for us, it is still Covid-times and there are no parties in our foreseeable future. I…yeah.
So now what? As usual, ancestors are quick in response to the quasi-rhetorical question: so these pretty jars of deep purple go in the freezer and the important thing is that you practiced, and that you tell the story of your practice. Practice can seem small and silly, but everyone’s work here is their own process. If it is not time yet for gathering together, then it will be time later. There will be time. All kinds of time. Time is made up, anyway. And there it is.
There is always time to work on your north node, and even if that work seems small or not enough, it’s still growth, it’s still part of the process, and that’s why we’re here.
And if you want jam-sauce-stuff, let me know, because we’re not going to eat all of this ourselves.
